You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
