U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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