You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
