Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
