Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
