every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
