I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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