That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
