dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
