Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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