ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
