Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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