You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe