oh good, I think they're gone
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.