Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My first STD was from a foam party
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong