He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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