tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.