so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
