I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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