Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they're like a gay fantastic four
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
