Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
