whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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