We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you had me at cake vodka
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
