i think my mom watched the whole time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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