Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
