Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
