god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
