do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
