Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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