Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
