If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize