Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
