i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize