I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
