Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
