I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
