I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize