You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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