even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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