I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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