real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
