I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
