Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
