I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if only i could text you this smell
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
