pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
