my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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