The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can you bring me the toilet please
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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