i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
