We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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