just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
