there's paper in my vomit.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
