it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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