I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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