how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
