So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
