Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
