You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
