Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
