Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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