& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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