508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
