xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
