I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize