I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
