Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
