rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
