my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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