i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
