also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
