my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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