I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
