now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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