doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
