Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
