i can't believe i had my finger in that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
