I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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