I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
