I faked an abortion last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
